Fall 2006

This entry is spur of the moment. I will edit it for clarity in the next day or so.

A Colorful Fall

This is the road leading to my house with this year's fall color. Photos were taken on a very overcast Halloween. When the sun is out, the colors are brilliant. I may replace them if I get a sunny day this weekend.

A Tragic Fall

My parents lived in Smithfield VA through their retirement. They had a wonderful cadre of close friends and neighbours.

Mom died in an automobile accident in 1999. Dad had suffered a brain tumor in the mid 1970's and there was enough damage along with later congestive heart failure that he needed full time care and companionship.

Dad was adamant that he stay in Smithfield.

No damn way he was going to move.

So - My sister drove from NoVa to Smithfiel every week.

The weekends were split between myself and my brother and sister-in-law.

Our care for Dad morphed into social events for the neighbourhood. M (sister) hosted the weekly 'movie' night - videos at our house.

Weekends with Dad were spent on outings which usually involved neighbours as well.

To top it off - Dad was always well watched over by the neighbours.

I don't mean the casual type of stuff.

Dad was pretty much occupied all the time with the neighbours. They'd come over, drag him over to their homes, take him around to whatever was going on in town and just generally kept him going full speed.

Well, full speed for a bunch of long retired folks!

This past weekend one of Mom and Dad's closest friends died an accidental death.

Jinx fell while visiting her grandson in NC and suffered a heart attack.

The following is my sister's email to family and friends.

It is posted without asking permission.

In fact, M will see that I have taken the liberty when she reads this blog. [note - approved by sister]

Jinx's death is certainly sad - but do not take this post as sorrowful.

In small and large daily happenings, I am constantly reaffirmed by the fullness and goodness of life amongst caring compassionate people.

I've copied M's email directly with only paragraph formatting and replacing last names with initials.

Email From My Sister

Starting yesterday before dawn, I drove the 3 1/2 hours down to Smithfield, Va. easily and uneventfully. Even the bright fall leaves on routes 5 and 10 provided pleasure. There were enough roadkill deer however lying on the roadsides to keep me ever-alert.

Finally, enough time has passed that I could again enjoy a journey to that town which I had once grown to loathe (as I calculate, about 175 round trips between March 1999 and August 2004.)

I thought about Jinx P, who died so unexpectedly on Saturday, and to myself, composed salient thoughts should people be invited to speak from the mourners (They were not.)

I arrived at Smithfield Baptist Church in time for the morning visiting and to stand in the receiving line for John and his family, strolling first un-accosted by authority figures through the attractive pre-school section (My, how different things are there from here!)

Services began at 10 a.m. presided over by two ministers including the Rev. Don R (good gosh, he greeted me by name--poor man--seems he always manages to mention how Mom and Dad (and by extension, I!) were not the "passive" people he was used to. We shared a laugh over his confession. I hope he doesn't lose too much sleep over it.

I told him that I didn't recall his words at Mom's service, but if they were like the ones he used for Jinx, then they had to have been well-chosen. I told him though that I remembered well his sermon on that Easter Sunday, just days after her death, to which I had gently ushered Dad.

The church was very nearly a packed house yesterday.

One thing that's new: A few establishment-looking African Americans in attendance, including two who are deacons there.

One hymn was sung by the congregation (a favorite of Jinx's who was a member of the choir) and another song by a soloist that seemed to have a contemporary Irish lilt that brought tears to everyone's eyes.

Berta D and Barbara E were there. They told me that Don and Betty P were there, but apparently after the visiting hour, they had taken their leave, as I did not spot them.

John was so pleased to see me (and everyone.) Then he told me how while down in Boiling Springs, NC, he was visited in person and offered help by Bruce M. It made a tremendous impression on him at that vulnerable hour. He couldn't believe I had known someone down there, where he and Jinx had gone to see a grandson play in a football game.

Today, I will write Brenda (who wrote down the details) and Bruce to truly thank them for the time and spirit they extended to John at the hospital. I'll never forget this favor by them to Mom and Dad's oldest "couple" friends, and until John mentioned it, I hadn't known the results of that request to them.

Barbara E was excited to hear the latest about Chuck and Brenda and Charlsanne and Chris and the baby on the way. I gave her all the details. She had happy news as well--their Linda and Tim have a five-month-old girl, Lexie Marie, who was a preemie, but is doing fine now.

I asked about Reva O'N - the widow across the street from Mom and Dad and who was a "member" of our "Classic Movies Club" on Wednesday nights. I'd heard she'd been having memory problems and unfortunately, this was confirmed by her move to a nursing home.

I asked for its address from the church secretary. Oh #*&! Just looked at the Post-it she gave to me. It's her old address (509 Cranford Road)--but I guess her mail can be taken to her from there.

After the very attractive and welcome (by me especially as that was to be my breakfast and lunch) buffet was served in the reception hall by the volunteer church-ladies, I left on another mission, (rather than following the family cortè down to the cemetery in Roanoke Rapids, N.C.)

At last I could act on my long-thwarted desire to place flowers on the grave of Tera Wyatt in St. Luke's cemetery at Benn Church (another best friend of Mom and Dad's, and then, mine) who finally lost her battle with repeated bouts of cancer in early March of 2004.

John and Jinx had actually driven up to Reston to give me the sad news where I lay recovering from my freak fall. Again, that's an example of what a formidable team they were. J&J--like a product brand--they were ALWAYS doing deeds like that not just for me, but for everyone.

Tera was another great "member" of our weekly movie club and we often went out with Dad again the next day to have the absolutely delicious chicken and dumplings Thursday special at a smoky cafe on Main Street--yeah--no separation of the schools of thought there, indeed, it seemed you were truly only welcome if you lit up! But the price was $4 and there'd be enough to take home, because you always wanted to save room for the 99-cent lemon meringue slice of pie or the banana pudding.

I will never forget the wonderful "instructive" note Tera mailed Dad while he was up here prior to Amanda and Rich's wedding, reminding him that Effie would want him to be patient and to try to enjoy himself there at this important family event.

Next stop, a drive past Mom and Dad's old house. It looks great with the additional plantings and a carport extension added onto its right side with a small asphalt apron adjacent it for a second car. There is now a roof over the back deck.

The new owners are uncannily like Mom and Dad (in age, vigor (or lack thereof, and Dad's infirmity.) They had downsized to move there from a large house on water, because it had become too much for them.

The important difference is that they're surrounded by attentive children living close by.

The woman was outside, so I got out to introduce myself (we'd only exchanged notes before.) Of course, that meant an invitation inside (I really didn't want that, especially being short on time and I now knew it'd be after dark when I got home) but it was nice to see what they'd done to it.

There was new carpeting and wood-look flooring in the kitchen. She praised the kitchen and the layout.

He (on oxygen in a lounger-chair) couldn't stop talking about how quiet it was and how they couldn't even tell it was raining outside (hey--that's what real plaster walls and ceilings do, I guess :)

Mom and Dad would have loved its refreshed look--they were on the same wave length as far as taste. It seemed perfect that they were now there.

Benefits of a small town?

She had actually been looking out for me, having heard I was at the funeral. Good gosh. (Glad I showed up.) Again, I was reminded I was in rural Virginia when Roland (the husband)walked me out, and apparently just in time for him to light up.

There were a couple of accidents along the way home, but still travel was not too bad (yes, I have gotten over the old road fatigue :)

About the moment I arrived, Chuck took off to teach a class he's doing on writing in Herndon.

And then the phone rang. How do callers know? Five calls in the first five minutes. I'm answering them with my purse still over my shoulder.

Then a voice we rarely hear.

The news...Chuck's half-brother Patrick just died in his bed "peacefully," likely of a heart attack, where he lived in Vancouver, BC. He was never married, only 55, but had had poor health due to numerous reasons for years.

At least he had Robin nearby for special occasions--another half-sibling, in addition to two half-sisters in Washington state. (All are "halves" to each other--their mother being old-fashioned, and marrying all the men she fell in love with.)

They were not close--but friendly--exchanging cards and calls a couple of times a year.

When I think of him, I will remember his passion for ice hockey and his love of his pet cats. I am also glad that one recent Christmas that we found and sent him an NHL league bathrobe which he really liked.

And today is the day, that Mexico calls, the day of the dead.