The Adventures of Brue and Koko +Addendum

For the past 3 weeks we’ve been puppy sitting the roommate’s parent’s 2 small, and getting on in years, dogs – Brue and Koko. Brue is a Lassa and Koko is a Shiatsu.

The parental units were in Northern California visiting their other children and grandkids.

I thought it would be a nice gesture if I sent them periodic updates.

I’ve included Ward’s replies.

FYI – Those that know JN will recognize that I’ve taken some of his, uhhhh, errrr, “personality traits” and incorporated them into the updates.

Only slightly exaggerated.

Just slightly.

Tuesday – Episode 1

Hi Ward,

Doggie update – Having a good time puppy sitting.

We have discovered that we must keep the screens closed when we have a fire in the fireplace.

The puppies like to sleep in front of the fireplace and when the embers pop – sometimes their fur catches on fire.

But it’s not a problem. The house fan gets the smoke out of the house pretty quickly and Glade air freshener takes care of the smell.

So far, so good.

How was your flight out to California?

Bill,

Thanks for the update. Keep the screen off the fireplace! Won't have to groom them that way.

Ward

Wednesday - Episode 2

Hi Ward,

Went to the NC State – Clemson basketball game last night. We got our ass kicked. But – it’s a new coach and a very young team. They play hard and will definitely get better.

Jason was all worried about the dogs possibly getting into trouble and tearing up the house while we were at the game. I told him they’d be just fine. But – you know how he gets when he’s got his mind on something.

I still think tying their little legs to each other was a bit extreme. Nuke got the idea from hobbling a horse to keep it from running away.

Sure, they could get around and all, together of course, but I thought it was unnecessary. Seriously, just how much trouble can a couple of old puppies get into anyway?

Boy, were they glad when we got home and untied them.

So – is the family doing ok?

Thursday - Episode 3

Hi Ward,

Jason has been on the internet looking at sites where you can build contraptions out of wood.

He’s looking for ideas for things to build to play with the dogs.

I think that the simple rubber balls and stuff we have around are just fine but he’s adamant about building something to combine doggie play with exercise and X-treme sports.

Did you know the French word for catapult is trebuchet?

How’s the weather out there?

Hi Bill,

Still recovering from the flight here but it went smoothly. When we stayed here in July there was a record heat wave, now they are talking about possible record cold - I guess we are record setters.

As far as the puppies are concerned, you might suggest to Jason he could simply use the leash to sling them around his head - if released at the optimum point he can closely duplicate a trebuchet. I know Jason can be hard headed though so just tell him that democrats designed the puppy exercise equipment.

Thanks again for caring for the dogs, we appreciate the updates :-)

Ward

Friday - Episode 4

Hi Ward,

Turns out the dogs, even Koko, are too heavy for successful catapult launching.

But squirrels, being much lighter, do just fine. Those little suckers can really fly.

Of course the difficult part is capturing them and bundling them into the catapult launch bucket.

For some strange reason they won’t come up and get peanuts from me anymore when I try to feed them.

How are the grandkids doing?

Good Morning Bill,

You might try starving the dogs...Koko would probably work out best until Brue got to optimum catapult weight.

Saw our grandson last night for the first time (Godparents were visitng - for their first time - so we stayed clear until they left). This is one impressive kid! He is handsome, brilliant, unspoiled, ...well you get the idea.

Will see granddaughter Maya today.

Hope to see our furry grandchild Jax very soon too - we understand he speaks now even though a few months old. He must be brilliant, unspoiled...

Say hi to the girls for us.

Ward

Saturday - Episode 5

Hi Ward,

Good news and Bad news.

Bad news first.

Jason is unfortunately slipping into one of his religious cycles.

Even worse, this time he’s gone “Old Testament”.

Ranting about the world situation and offenses to God and such. He’s fixated on reinstating Old Testament animal sacrifice.

I must say however, that the alter he’s building in the back yard is looking pretty impressive.

At least he doesn’t want to use the fireplace.

I don’t think I could handle the smell.

The Good News is that he’s focused on squirrels and raccoons.

So I’m pretty sure the dogs are safe.

BTW - If you see him, say hello to Ahh-Nult for me.

Bill

Glad to hear about Jason's initiative. Been thinking of building an open pit BBQ and his alter experience should be useful. Got plenty of cats to test out the project. And always the possibility of having roast dog.

Saw our other grandchild, Maya today. She is a beautiful young lady and, of course, brilliant. All that remains is our furry grandchild Jax (Hazel always corrects me and says our granddoggy). I like the furry grandchild image.

Ward

Sunday - Episode 6

Hi Ward,

Well, thank goodness Jason is over that Temple Sacrifice thing. It was getting pretty tiresome. You know how he goes on and on about some things.

Plus the neighbors were getting kind of concerned.

He’s now back on turning his attention to the puppies and keeping them active and playful.

He’s decided to combine playing with them with his love for skydiving.

I’ve a dilemma.

On the one hand – BASE jumping from the roof over the garage isn’t too far down but it doesn’t give the puppies much time for ‘chute deployment.

On the other hand, I don’t know if I should suggest that he use one of the nearby cellular phone towers. I mean, what if the chute doesn’t deploy?

I’m amazed at how talented Nuke is in making the parachutes.

I just wish he hadn’t used the good sheets.

Have you had any earthquakes out there?

Bill,

Received your email regarding the parachuting. Can't express how distressed Hazel and I are about Jason using your good sheets. We thought we had reared him better - at least use old sheets. Am concerned about use of the cellular towers too, Jason might mess up his shoulder again.

We are having a good time. Went to an auto show yesterday and was very impressed by the windshield wipers on the Lamborghini Gallardo Spider, I'll bet replacement blades cost a $100 apiece. Also spent time with grandchildren and took mucho pictures. Got to get busy on my blog or won't get any posted.

Had an earthquake up in Napa the other day, I think it was only 3.8 or so and didn't really notice - local news mentioned it but not much more then that.

Ward

Monday - Episode 7

Hi Ward,

Today was rather busy.

When I got home from work the house was empty and there was a note on the door asking me to please contact the Lee County Sheriff’s Department.

Now What?

Seems the neighbors felt compelled to call the Sheriff’s Department about Jason’s, Koko’s and Brue’s BASE jumping.

I checked.

There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, in the subdivision restrictions / covenants prohibiting flinging dogs off the roof with parachutes.

I really hate nosey neighbors.

Anyway, I picked up the pups at the ASPCA and then went and collected Jason from the County lock up.

Talk about turning lemons into lemonade.

Good ‘ol Jason took the opportunity to tell the deputies about his Military MP experience and to ask for a job application.

The deputies allowed as how they didn’t have any openings at the moment but they’d keep his application on file.

Overall, the pups made some new friends at the ASPCA and Nuke made some new friends at the County Jail.

All’s well that ends well.

Do the errant whales still migrate up the Sacramento River?

Hi Bill,

"Do the errant whales still migrate up the Sacramento River?"

Not sure about errant whales but there are some really big women here.

Ward

(I had to send W an email here reminding him about Humphrey the Humpback Whale that tried to migrate up the Sacramento River a few years back. Twice!)

Tuesday - Episode 8

Hi Ward,

Obviously BASE jumping is out.

Real skydiving is in.

To make up for having to go to jail, I offered to take Nuke skydiving again.

Nuke found the following on the web:

http://www.grindtv.com/video/air/SkydivingDog/

Who knew?

I hope Raeford Parachute Center doesn’t charge extra for dogs. After all, it’s still the person jumping and what difference does it make if a small dog goes with him?

Of course the cost will be double for 2 jumps for both Brue and Koko. After all, it’s just like the kibble treats – if you do it for one – you have to do it for the other one.

I’ll let you know if another trip to the hospital or a trip to the vet arises.

For some reason the pups have gotten kind of antsy lately.

I think they miss you and Hazel.

BTW – When you see Ahh–Nult – sign his cast for me.

Bill,

You know, I think it is much better that they do some real skydiving. At their age we want them to have a quality life and real skydiving is a far beter experience then base jumping.

Now I've done some scuba diving and that could be a good experience too. Wonder where you get fins for their doggy paws?

sign his cast...????? Ahh-Nult, did you tell your mother?

Ward

(Some confusion here about who Ahhh-Nult is. Cleared up in subsequent emails)

Wednesday - Episode 9

Hi Ward,

I’m always amazed how Jason makes friends wherever he goes. I sure wish I could do that.

Sometimes though there’s a downside.

I got home from work today and found that Jason invited the guys he met in jail to come out to the house.

I wish he’d run this stuff by me first.

Some of ‘em look kind of skuzzy and I wasn’t too keen on them being in the house.

So, Nuke and I rounded up his old Army tent and 2 backpacking tents I had in the attic and set them up in the back yard.

Brue and Koko have to be careful with all these people around. They’re so small and they tend to stay underfoot so it’s easy for them to get stepped on.

I wonder how long these guys are going to hang around.

Do y’all stock up on Rice-a-Roni when you’re out there? It is the San Francisco treat you know.

(At this point – Jason, except for expressing concern at the very beginning, hasn’t said one single word about my emails to his dad (He’s been cc’d on them all). After this one he finally said, and I quote: “Your story is pretty good. But your ending questions are getting lame and stupid.”)

LOL

Bill,

Oh I do so hope that Jason will bring his new found playmates to visit us in St. James. They will fit right in and if they get homesick I'm sure the local jail will accomodate them.

Thanks for clarifying Ahh Nult, he is a politician I really like (for real). Might not always go with his ideas but he dares to move ahead and does so without antagonizing ALL his political foes, or something.

Ward

(I had detected that Ward was'nt getting my Ahh Nult jokes – so I sent him an email where I said: Governor Arnold. Now – with the accent – Ahhhhhhh Nult)

Thursday - Episode 10

Hi Ward,

Jason has been teaching his new buddies some of the stuff he learned in the Army.

They sneak around in the back yard, crawl around pointing stick ‘guns’ at each other, hide behind trees and stumps and then jump up and yell ‘bang’.

They’ve even come up with a name for themselves – The Sanfordstan Commandoes.

Just earlier I was taking out the trash when a couple of them “ambushed” me. Scared the daylights out of me and I spilled the whole bag of trash all over the garage.

Remember that alter Jason built?

It’s coming in handy.

At night they build a campfire in it while Jason conducts Army Training Sessions.

He also spends a lot of time teaching them Bible Lessons. From his point of view, of course.

They’re also using the catapult; I mean trebuchet, to practice lobbing mortar rounds.

They’re doing a pretty good job of cleaning out all the rocks in the yard but I think they busted out one of the windows in my next door neighbor’s house.

Everybody seems to be having a good time but I think these guys are a little old to be playing ‘fort’.

They’re also training Brue and Koko to be sniffer dogs.

I don’t know about that.

The only thing Koko and Brue seem to be good at sniffing is each other’s butt.

Hey, could you do me a favor and pop over to Steve Job’s house and see if you could bring me back one of those new ipod phones?

(At this point I sent W a real email telling him how thing were going with the pups. I also mentioned Jason as having made only 2 comments – the one about my ending questions getting lame – and after the first “episode” he was concerned that his mom would take the email seriously about the dog’s fir getting singed from embers. Also, in the ‘real’ update email – I cautioned W about going liberal from spending so much time on the left coast. – LOL)

Bill,

Have to admit that when I first read about the puppy fur catching fire I was momentarily nonplussed as was Hazel. Then decided that if it had truly been serious you would have called...then thought more and started laughing. Since I read the email first I think my laughing may have "eased" Hazel into the situation and calmed her. Now she keeps asking me if Bill sent an email and what he said.

I agree with Jason that Rice-A-Roni wasn't your best ending question (BTW, what is Rice-A-Roni). But don't be dismayed, even Robin Williams has bad jokes.

We are getting concerned that the puppies may be too spoiled to return home. You may get stuck with them.

As to getting too liberal, you can't go to the left coast without coming back tainted. We are thinking how we can reform North Carolina and are considering a movement for Hamster rights.

Ward

Friday - Episode 11

Ward,

Today I got home and found that Jason and his buddies, pardon me; The Sanfordstan Commandoes, spent most of the day drinking beer.

And - they got into the bottle of Grey Goose Vodka that you gave me for Christmas! I’m pretty pissed about that and told ‘em so.

Anyway, they’ve decided to go on a ‘raid’ to root out some ‘insurgents’ who’ve ‘infiltrated’ Lee County.

Geeez.

I don’t know where they get these ideas from.

Frankly, I think it’s from listening to too much AM Talk Radio.

There was talk about parachuting in over their target, whatever that is, but when Raeford Parachute Center told ‘em how much the airplane flight would cost – well, that kind of put a damper on things.

They briefly considered knocking off the Jordan Dam Mini Mart to get the money but I nixed that idea right in the bud. That’s where I buy gas and milk and I have to face those folks just about every day.

They all finally loaded up into one of the Bubba’s old beat up pickup truck, including Koko and Brue “to help sniff out the enemy” and just now took off to conduct their little ‘raid’.

Don’t worry about Koko and Brue – I made sure the least drunk one did the driving.

I wonder if they remembered to take the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch?

My guess is they’ll end up at Jordan Lake Dam drinking beer and fishing.

Hey, I’ve wondered – Since you’re 3 time zones later – if I sent you this email but you got it right away and called me – would your phone call get here before I sent the email?

Bill,

"Don’t worry about Koko and Brue – I made sure the least drunk one did the driving."

Now I'm getting a little concerned. Which one really drove, Koke has trouble reaching the pedals and only has one eye, Brue tends to drift off to sleep - further I don't think they have a license? BTW, if Koke has been drinking she sneezes.

"I wonder if they remembered to take the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch?"

- and did they have proper direction?

Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

"I’ve wondered – Since you’re 3 time zones later – if I sent you this email but you got it right away and called me – would your phone call get here before I sent the email?"

Now that is an interesting question. I suppose if we had call forwarding the call would be routed forward around the earth past the dateline, thus ariving to you a day after the email. However, we don't have fowarding so perhaps the call would come before the email as you theorize and not only that, you might end up talking to us before you answered the phone - that could raise some concern to others around you.

Ward

Saturday - Episode 12

Ward,

They’re back.

And not with fresh fish to cook.

The ‘insurgents’ they captured?

Just a bunch of illegals staying in a trailer down the road.

Now I’ve got 8 Mexican day laborers living in the small guest bedroom. They don’t seem to mind though. Apparently it’s not as crowded as the trailer they were staying in with a bunch of other migrants.

I’ll bet those poor Mexican fellas were scared half to death when Nuke and his buddies showed up at the trailer park last night.

They talk mostly in Spanish but I did hear one of them say something about “We left Mexico for this!?!?”

Everybody’s all settled down though and the Mexicans are fixing authentic tacos and burritos.

Is it OK for Brue and Koko to eat spicy food? They seem to like it. But it sure does make for some pungent doggy breath and doggie farts.

BTW – with all the excitement around here – a couple of cases from Napa Valley could go a long way to help take the edge off.

Bill,

"Is it OK for Brue and Koko to eat spicy food? They seem to like it. But it sure does make for some pungent doggy breath and doggie farts".

No problem, just don't light the fireplace.

"BTW – with all the excitement around here – a couple of cases from Napa Valley could go a long way to help take the edge off".

We tried to get you a couple cases but they refuse to take the bottles out.

Ward

And Jason, sent me the following:

Our Raid on Ft. Benning

http://www.sciencedaily.com/upi/index.php?feed=Quirks&article=UPI-1-20070120-00070200-bc-us-shihtzus.xml

Success!

--
Si vis pacem, para bellum

Sunday - Episode 13

Hi Ward,

Jason, his Sanfordstan Commandoes and the Mexicans seem to be hitting it off pretty well.

The Mexicans have joined right in with Jason’s Army Training sessions and Religion classes.

Nuke’s about the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time.

He’s all excited about how well the Religious Indoctrination is going.

“Converting the Infidel” as he puts it.

To give you the heads up – they’ve all packed up and left for your house in St. James Plantation.

Jason’s been telling ‘em how great moving to Southport is going to be and Low and Behold, they decided to join him!

In addition to having the puppies home safe and sound; you and Hazel are going to have lots of new friends when you get back home.

I called up my old college buddy Dave who lives in Wilmington and told him Jason and his Commando Cult were on their way to Southport.

You know - just in case he might want to invite them all over for supper sometime.

He got kind of upset and said if I told Jason where he lives, he’d come to Sanford and kick my ass. I thought that was real un-neighborly like. Where’s his sense of Southern Hospitality?

Anyway - It’s empty and kind of quiet here with all of them gone.

I sure am going to miss Brue and Koko.

But not to worry – I’ve got plenty to do.

I’m looking forward to getting the house and yard cleaned up.

Plus, the neighbors have started a petition to have me evicted from the subdivision so I’ve got to spend some time getting that all straightened out.

Y’all have a safe trip back from California.

Epilogue

Today, JN took the doggies back home. I think I’m gonna miss having them around.

It’s astronomy and space weekend at the NC Natural Science Museum. I think I’ll visit tomorrow.

Addendum

Got a final follow up email Saturday from W & H. I sent basketball tickets to them to use while I'm on vacation in a couple of weeks. I also had emailed W & H telling them I had decided to keep Koko as she and I really bonded during her stay.

Koko really did take a liking to me for some reason. She always met me at the door when I got home from work; slept at the foot of the bed every night; snuggled up next to me on the sofa; and even stayed by the shower door each morning when I was getting ready for work. Normally I don't care much for little yapping mini-dogs but she's really laid back and calm. Probably because of her age. She has a really neat personality. I am going to miss having her around.

Brue was cool too. But more of an eat, sleep and take walks kind of dog. And then sleep. Then sleep some more. Since Koko spent all her time with me, Brue naturally gravitated to JN to hang out and play with. So, it all worked out.

Hi Bill,

Got the tickets from Jason. Thank you so much. Am wondering though if they will let me spit my tobaccy juice on the floor of the Arena Club Restaurant - some folk are mighty picky about that.

As to Koko. Hazel and I had long deep discussions but in good conscience we have to keep her here. I know she behaved while staying with you but I have to confess she has a lot of emotional dog baggage. We have her seeing a dog therapist but have had little success in reforming her ways. She sneaks out at night and is the leader of the pack. They range through the neighborhood wearing doo-rags, leather and chains. I understand the therapist is writing a book called "When Good Dogs Go Bad." We even tried to get the dog whisperer but he refused saying there are some dogs that are so bent they can never be refomed - plus his pack of pitbulls signed a petition pleading against Caeser coming here for fear he would not only lose his reputation but possibly return mained for life - emotionally and psychologically. Thus we have to sadly refuse your very kind offer to keep her (oh, and you'd have to pay the vet bills too).

We are having a great time with the Sanfordstan Commandoes. Last night they built a campfire in the middle of the living room and we started toasting marshmellows - it took me back to when Jason was a little boy. It did get a little exciting when the smoke alrams started blaring and the neighbors called the fire department. Got the campfire put out and things settled down although neighbors did wonder about the Mexicans that were wandering around - they thought they were contractors here to work on new houses and couldn't udnerstand why they were in St. James after work hours. I explained they were moonlighting by building me a wine cellar and that seemed to sort of satisfy everyone.

Security is really nice here - they stayed parked outside for the remainder of the night saying they just wanted to be sure we were safe. Seems there was some muttering from folks outside our house that were wearing white sheets and pointy white hats. I'm sure they will become firendly because Jason plans to give them lessons tomorrow on alter building - he was inspired by the crosses they carried.

Ward